Consuming and Contributing relationship
Every glarezone has been adding value to many lives and enhancing wisdom for all of us. Today I love to share something very new about relationship.
We all play number of roles in life and every minute we may have a new role added to life. Let’s take out couple of minutes and recall all our relationships around us. Starting from first circle relationships with intense emotions to a far relationship like some of your forgotten child hood friend, an employee or colleague who worked with you long time ago.
You will have a big list of names and people coming up. Now, let’s do a small exercise. How many relationships are adding value to your life through any means because today we will understand two very important categories of relationships.
Some examples: I have a watsapp group created by my old friends and they keep posting messages, i only reply sometimes and sometimes i don’t. So, in this relationship they are adding value to my life.
I am an important part of the family so, I take care of the needs of family members and in this relationship, I am adding value to those lives.
I am reading a famous book “The 7 habits of highly effective people” and Dr. Stephen covey written beautifully, As a human being, we all are blessed with EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT unlike money bank account. A simple logic is, you need to deposit in order to withdraw money from your bank account, isn’t it? and the more you withdraw lesser the balance. Once the account is empty, you can’t withdraw anymore. But, Emotional bank account is not like this, you can keep on withdrawing how much ever you want.
For example: A child will keep withdrawing emotional attention from a mother and it is a never ending process. But, if the account is not deposited back, it goes into negative balance. I have come across a very interesting example for this. A loving mother used to care for an orphan boy living in a garage next door and both boys grew up playing together. Her son got good education and became a doctor then flew to U S for a job and he got settled. His mother was alone living here and the boy next door always used to take care of her and serve her with good heart. This mother was so attached to this poor boy that she wrote entire wealth on his name thinking that “my own son is well settled, away and he wouldn’t need any of this when he wouldn’t need me”.
Her son was accused of irregularities and removed from his practice for some reason and his certificates were also taken away by local authorities. His wife (who also happened to be a local citizen) divorced him and he lost all his earning as well in the process of dealing with situations. With this pain he comes back and see his own mother was passed away and wrote all her wealth to the boy used to live in garage.
What does it show? It shows how important is to deposit into emotional bank account with your loved ones. Her son was so busy in building his career and life that he forgot to love, care and keep the emotional attachment intact and never deposited into his emotional bank account with his mother.
A child is a consuming relationship. In this relationship, you will only see child is withdrawing love, care, energy from it’s mother and when the child grow up, don’t you think he/she must deposit all those withdrawals? When this process happens it’s called “Contributing relationship” so now, check if you are in which category.
In a very interesting relationship of a husband and wife, we become consuming relationship. We keep on expecting some or the other things and keep hurting each other. for ex: If wife likes romantic movies, husband likes action movies and while watching a movie, they both argue for silly reasons. We all must understand that we all are different from each other and we have to respect each other’s opinion if not accept.
You need to check who can make you comfortable, feel good and feel alright during tough times, they are your depositors or contributing relationships. And are you giving small comforts for those contributing relationships?
How can you deposit into emotional bank account?
Its very simple, through all those small actions makes someone comfortable. Lets say your parents love to eat together or like to talk to you, make sure you give time. If your spouse loves to go on long drive or have her favourite dish, give those experiences to him/her.
Keep up all those small commitments that you overlook or ignore thinking “it’s a very small thing, it can be done anytime”. Those small things mean a lot to some one close to you because they keep on adding balance to your emotional account.
If you are a parent, make sure your child gets all the freedom, respect, love and care to explore life. be a CONTRIBUTING RELATIONSHIP as much as possible and you will never have a tough situations with people.
Sathya Narayana V R
Life Coach - Consumax Life Empowering Pvt Ltd.